What Is Love?

I cried and cried. But I felt no touch from anyone. I heard no reassuring words. I only felt alone and abandoned. When I finally felt God with me, I became angry. "How could you leave me alone in that time of suffering?!" He stayed silent. "Do you even care about me?!" still silent. "Am I worth nothing to you?! Why would you do this to me?!" silent He remained. "How can you call yourself God when you leave your followers in the darkest hour of their life with no guidance? You’re nothing but a fake." Still, not a word. "You once sent someone to stop me from killing myself. They didn't know it but they were just doing as they were told. Why did you send them? To let me suffer some more? Just so you can see me in pain? Is that what you enjoy? Is it God?!" finally, He sighed. After all that, just a sound. "Is that it? Is that all you got to say? No explanations? No words of comfort?" "You don't understand My son." "My son? You should know I don't trust anyone anymore as a father in my life. Why call me that anyway?" "It got your attention didn't it? It’s what you want to hear right?" "Yeah. But how can I trust someone to be my father when all I’ve seen a father do is abandon his own child. Even you left me." “I did not abandon you. You left my arms of safety." "Then why didn't you come after me? Why didn't you reach out for me? Why didn't you stop me? If you can control everything why did let this happen to me?" then his silence started again. "I can't take this anymore God. Every time I try to make you happy I end up getting hurt. Every time I open up to someone they hurt me. Intentionally or unintentionally. All I feel is pain. I’m beginning to forget what love is." He was quiet for a while then He spoke, "then maybe you should speak to someone who can tell you what love is." "Who would that be?" "My Son of course." "Why would he want to talk to me? I’ve broken his trust." "Says who?" ".....I don't know. I can feel it." "What you are feeling is your own guilt, not the truth." "So....he still wants to talk with me?" God gave a chuckle and said "He always wants to talk with you. That’s why he's always knocking at the door of your heart. He will spend hours talking about you to me. He knows I know everything about you but he tells me anyway. Do you know why?" I pondered for what seemed to be hours. But still couldn't think of anything. "No. I don't know why. Maybe when he was crucified something messed him up" God burst out in laughter. "There is nothing wrong with him. Other than the fact that he loves you. No matter what you did to me or him. He still died on that cross for you. He knew that one day you would hurt him but he forgave you way in advance. Just like you knew that other people would hurt you." immediately a verse came to my memory revelations 2:4 "...you have forsaken your first love." tears started to fill my eyes but God came and wiped them away. When He did more came. And He wiped those too. Then I began to weep. And as my tears flowed from my eyes down my face. They began to fall to the ground. But before they hit God caught those too. When I had regained myself, I asked, "Why did you catch my tears?" "I know every tear that you have ever cried. But you don't. So I catch every one of them and place them here." I saw a hand holding to what seemed to be water but something inside me told me that those were the tears I had just cried. Then he poured them into a jar. This jar stood a couple feet taller than me. I walked around the jar looking at it. "These are all the tears that I have ever cried?" then I looked around and I saw that there were other jars around me. But they weren't as big as mine. "Whose are these?" I asked as I looked at the unending sea of smaller jars. They are the tears of everyone in the world." as I looked some of them were different sizes. But still, none were as big as mine. "Come. There is something else I need to show you." we entered into a room that was filled with jars ten times bigger than mine. "Whoa. Whose are these?" then, with a bit of sadness He answered, "my son's." I looked again at them and they all had names on them. “Are these the tears he cried for everyone?" "Yes they are. And look at that one over there." I looked in the direction that He motioned. There I saw the biggest jar of them all. It had the smallest label on it. I walked over to the gigantic jar to read the label when I was close enough I read the label out loud. “‘These are the tears that I cried for my friend, Andrew Brandal Guthrie jr.' these are tears that Jesus cried for me? Why so many?" "Because every time you cried one tear, he cried 100 times as many." slowly guilt started to fill in the emptiness that I longed to be filled. And a tear dropped from my face. Almost like He was expecting it (and He was), God reached for it and caught it. Then He left to go put it in my jar of tears. After He left I heard someone weeping. I started to look for it and then I realized that it was coming from above me. I walked up to the giant jar. Then the Holy Spirit came and lifted me up. He carried me into the air. I noticed that He was lifting me up to the top the jar that Jesus cried into for me. As I got closer to the top the weeping grew louder. When I got to the top, He gently set me down and left. When I turned around I saw a man kneeling over the tears staring into them. He was the one who was weeping. "Who are you?" I asked. “I am the one who cried all these tears for you." I couldn't do anything, I couldn't say anything. But just stare at the man bent over the jar's top. He didn't turn to look at me. I didn't want him to. I knew he was Jesus and I didn't want him to see me. I was too ashamed to face him. "You don't need to be ashamed of yourself." I was shocked. it was like he knew exactly what I was thinking. "I know it seems like I know exactly what you’re thinking and that's exactly the way it is. But the truth is, I only know what my father is telling me." "Did He tell you what I’ve done?" "He didn't have to." I was baffled. "Then you know?" "Yes." "And you still want to be my friend?" "Yes." "Didn’t what I do hurt you?" "Look into this jar and you will see that it did." as I looked I saw how everything I did brought tears to his eyes. Everything was happening like a flashback. Then after he recovered from the pain he started to weep some more. But he wasn't weeping from what I had done, he was weeping for me. For my forgiveness. "Please father, forgive him. He doesn't know what he's doing. I know he's capable of being better but he just needs direction. Don’t punish him. Just send someone into his life to put him back on the right path. Please father, I ask this as your son." after the flashback had finished I fell to my knees. I buried my face in my hands and began crying like I had never cried before. Then I felt a pair of arms come around me and hug me. It was Jesus. He was comforting me, letting me know he's there. Then we began weeping together. I still had my face in my hands. but when I pulled my face out of my hands I realized that God had came back and He caught my tears before I did. "Now do you know what love is?"